By Heidi McLaughlin:

A soon-to-be blended family experiences mixed emotions, but is finding God in the midst of that difficult transition.

Image from Stuart Miles (FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I was in love again. I mean this time the stars twinkled with brilliance, the rain smelt sweeter and I had never known the daffodils to be so yellow. After the death of my husband this was my second chance at happiness and I couldn’t wait to get that big, sparkling rock onto my finger.

But a different surprise was waiting for me at the Rock of Gibraltar.

When my children and I planned a family trip to Spain, they were generous and gracious enough to notice that Jack and I loved spending time together. One day my daughter said, “Mom, we all thought it might be nice if you brought Jack along on our family trip to Spain.” Once the arrangements were made, Jack and I planned an engagement in Spain on New Year’s Eve.

The day we were touring the Rock of Gibraltar, the reality of telling my children about the upcoming engagement let me paralyzed with questions.

How would they react? Why had I not prepared them more? Was I ready to become the mother of five children?  How would this affect my relationship with my own children?  Did I even want to get married just as I was beginning to enjoy my single life?

Toward the end of the day I finally mustered up enough nerve to tell my children my good news.

I knew they would be surprised, but I was not prepared for the shock and disbelief in their eyes. At 2:00 in the morning, there was a knock on the door, and my daughter whispered, “Mom, please come downstairs. We all want to talk to you.”

There was my family, sitting with tear stained faces in a circle in the living room. While I was tossing and turning in my bed, they had been sitting here for hours trying to come to terms with what they heard that night. I had taught my children to talk to me about everything that was difficult for them; to communicate honestly about what was troubling them.  I was grateful that I had a family that loved me enough to overcome their tiredness, the emotional awkwardness, the pain and misery to begin a very necessary, urgent, and emotionally fragile talk.

For the rest of the night we questioned each other:

When does grieving end?  What is the right time to re-marry? Is there ever a good and right time for anything?  How did they fit into this new picture? How do we move forward from here?

When the sun rose over the beautiful Spanish mountains, we all hugged and kissed each other and crawled back into our beds to savor a few more hours of sleep.

Here is what our family discovered about blending two families:

1. It’s painful.  Whether it is a divorce or death, each person is grieving their former life.
2. Communicate your questions, doubts and fears. Don’t pretend everything is fine when it actually feels like razor blades have shredded your heart.
3. Choose to accept the new people in your life. Eventually the right feelings will follow.
4. Choose to forgive. The razor blades will not stop until you have forgiven the people who have hurt you.
5. Go to a Solid Rock: Jesus Christ. He is the only one who will help you with the other 4 steps when you go to Him in prayer. Psalm 5:3 says, “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”
6. Wait with expectation and watch how God will heal your hearts, help you to accept one another and begin the process of blending in love.

Many families today are being blended, either through the death of a spouse or a divorce. Whenever we encounter change in our lives it can be painful, but also joyful.

One of the most successful and powerful concepts for blending any relationship is to embrace the words of Jesus Christ who said in Romans 15:7:

“Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.”

As women of influence we need to be courageous enough to overlook differences, embrace criticism and move forward with acceptance and grace. The rewards will be more fulfilling than anything we can imagine.

Our family found that God is the only one who can heal our hearts and give us the wisdom and practical steps to blend two families. It’s never easy, but with God we can overcome all the obstacles.

© Heidi McLaughlin. For over two decades Heidi has taught women how to become “beautiful from the inside out”, applying God’s powerful truths via bible studies, mentoring, and Heidi’s own poignant stories.  Visit Heidi at www.heartconnection.ca, or  her blog. Follow Heidi on Twitter: @heidiheart