Finding God When I Feel Mean

By Heidi McLaughlin:

When I feel mean, seeking and finding God can help change my attitude.

Here are 5 tips to help you do just that… plus a bit of humor from Igniter Media.


Stock photo by ecerroni

Stock image by ecerroni

I know we all want to be nice so that people will like us. Sadly there are days when our feet hit the floor we can’t wait to rip someone’s head off and let them know how they made us “so mad.” What makes us so mean?

I believe that many of us are mean because we have been hurt, or use it for power to control people and events, we feel threatened, or we are too afraid to stand up for ourselves and it makes us angry and resentful. Then we become mean.

Lynne Hybels is the author of Nice Girls Don’t Change the World  and she became mean to herself and bottled it inside of herself.  Lynne was so nice that she tried to become everything her husband, her children, her church and the world wanted her to be. As a matter of fact she was so nice that it made her lose herself, her purpose and it drove her to deep hopelessness and depression.

When she stopped to find out who she really was, not the niceness of what the world expected her to be, she became free and a dangerously beautiful spiritual woman. She became who God created her to be, not who her husband and family wanted her to be. She became bold and courageous, and is changing the world in Africa by helping the Aids orphans.

We have the ability to be mean to others, but even more often, we are mean to ourselves. By being nice out of obligation, and through covering up our own pain, feelings and desires, we sabotage our freedom to be who God created us to be.

I believe there is a balance between mean and nice, and that is called “GRACE”. Accepting ourselves for who God created us to be, and accepting His grace for all the bad stuff that has happened in our lives.  So how do we do that?

ARRET (STOP!) and ACCEPT God’s Grace:

  1. ACCEPT our angry, hurtful feelings. As author Rick Warren says, “Revealing our feelings is the beginning of healing.”
  2. ROOT to fruit. Agree to look back at the words or events that made you mad, hurt you or threatened you. This is probably the root of your meanness.
  3. RELEASE the people or circumstances that have hurt you. Forgive them. No one can be perfect and no one is the Savior of our life other than God.   We all hurt people and we must forgive and release those who have hurt us.
  4. EMBRACE yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others and diminish who God made you to be. When we compare we begin to criticize, and then compete.  That makes us ugly and mean.
  5. TRUTH.  Go to God’s word (the Bible) and find the truth about who you really are. The truth is that you are nice, lovable and delightful. Some of the things that have happened to you have made you mad. God can replace and restore all your hurt and wounds and set you free to be nice and lovable.

I choose to be the kind of woman that is nice and beautiful from the inside out; beautifully, spiritually dangerous to do something meaningful and helpful to God’s Kingdom here on earth. I can be that woman if I follow those five simple, outrageously difficult steps.

© Heidi McLaughlin. For over two decades Heidi has taught women how to become “beautiful from the inside out”, applying God’s powerful truths via bible studies, mentoring, and Heidi’s own poignant stories.  Visit Heidi at, or  her blog. Follow Heidi on Twitter: @heidiheart

Enjoy this video about not being mean to your spouse: The Don’t Song, from Igniter Media.

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